Welcome

I am a newbie to blogging, but I have something to say. I have a lot to say!
This is for me. I need to send some things out to the world. I love the world. There is so much good in the world. I need and want to keep looking for the good! I don't want to judge! I don't know what anyone else's journey is all about. I am just trying to figuring out my journey.

I want to start with weight! Ah weight! I love it, I hate it, I ignore it and obsess about it. I weigh 265, well... no I don't! I have lost 10 lbs. I have been very sick with a viral bronchial something. 10 lbs in 2 months! Ha I'll take it. What a way to go....So I weigh 255 lbs, 5'4" tall. Almost 50. Blood pressure is at times off the charts. I need to loose weight for my health! I am almost diabetic...Blah Blah Blah...Growing up I was thin, very active, running every place I went. Always outside! Winter or Summer. I love creation!! Awesome!!

I gained most of my weight in one year, well 70 lbs of it anyway. I just couldn't take life any more. My husband was a raging alcoholic. He was a yelling, screaming, breaking anything in his way, hole in the wall punching abusive person. I, at the time felt that I didn't have any support. I felt so alone. Those I turned to didn't believe me. He was such a good speaker and praised me so much in public...Isn't she beautiful? She is so intelligent, she is running her own business, she is such a great mom....blah...blah...blah! In private I was too stupid to tie my own shoes...how did I ever survive before I met him! He saved my life. So he kept telling me. I thought my name was "fat f****ing b****" Oh did I say at this time I weighed about 140. I looked good!! I look back at the pictures I looked REAL GOOD!! Idiot!! I mean me and him. Enough about him. He is`dead. He died a very painful horrible death. He got out of jail for his 5th or 6th DUI in 10 years, told his brother he was going to drink as much as humanly possible before he had to go back to jail for another DUI, then quit drinking for good! For sure this time. He drank himself to death. Literally. I am very grateful he verbalized his intentions. The guilt is all his. No friend, girlfriend, family member, child or ex wife has any guilt at all.

Now it is my time! My psychologist aka "crazy Dr" wants me to journal. I have been working very hard for a year now to get in touch with my feelings. What a journey!! I have had a tough life...I have PTSD because of it. So.... this is how I am going to journal.

I checked out several books from the library on gluten free and sugar free cooking. Don't ya just love the public library?? I can become anything I want...I digress... She suggests to substitute instead of deny. I like this thinking. I have a goal of walking also. I need to start very slow. I have been very sick.

This is a little of my background and a little of my goals. I haven't even started on the dreams...
Join me on the journey.

Kisses