Friday is for Oranges

Friday 24th

I have been excited to write this. This is an amazing day that has changed my life!

I woke up with the most horrible song in my head. I have no idea when I even heard it. I always shut it off! "She f**** hates me, blah blah blah, she f**** hates me" I was appalled and even offended that this is in my head! Get out! I just laid in bed crying. I felt so abandoned and unloved, unworthy of love. Where is this coming from? I felt like Jehovah didn't love me or want me in his organization. Maybe I am just to stubborn to leave!? I feel lost. I started to pray, I know these voices are the ones that have been screamed at me in my past. I know they are illogical. I know they are wrong. But I need something tangible to prove, to show, to feel, that Jehovah accepts me, loves me. I asked him to send someone to come and see me, not from my congregation, someone who obviously has been here, but not for a long time, someone to give me something, not money, something from the heart, something out of love, something....knock...knock...I hear my front door. Wow, I think, I didn't even get to the "in Jesus name, Amen" part. I have a chill, I grab my robe. Open the door...there is no one there...there is a bag on the ground....bummer! is my first thought. It could of been one of my neighbors. I step out on the front step and see a white car. I smile and wave, it is the mom of one of my very good friends. She is just in my neighborhood, all the way across town from hers! She has a Bible study that moved over here. She knows I have been really sick for a ridiculous amount of time. She brought me oranges and a grapefruit. I am moved to tears! I curl up on the couch with her. She is so encouraging! She has such a love for Jehovah and is so loyal. I tell her my prayer. She just replies "My kids always hated when I told them you can hear Jehovah talking to you, out in service, but you can!"

Words will never be able to explain this feeling. I have something to hang on to. I have an orange! Jehovah gave the rainbow as a promise that he will never destroy the earth again by flood. He gave me an orange to show his love for me! I had promised him in the prayer that I would never allow those feeling to overtake me again. If I could have something real, to hold, to look at, I will force the thoughts away when they come back. I have to live by that promise! I have a rainbow and an orange! WOW

I got up and showered and went out in service for an hour. I am still not feeling well, plus I started my period a week early, totally unprepared. Explains allot in the emotion department, hey? I went out for an hour in service and breathed, just breathed.

So many kisses I can't number them!